I would have considered the financial and emotional toll of divorce before filing in a perfect world, but I didn’t approach this life-changing decision rationally when I finally pulled the trigger earlier this summer. I am learning the legal dissolution of a marriage requires significant preparation and I neglected to address several steps that would result in a better transition from married to single.
Gathering financial and legal documents seems like the best place to start, but for me it was getting the courage to pull the trigger and therefore did not consider the financial and emotional ramifications of divorce.
Build your support network
The one thing I did right was I enlisted a support system from the time I decided to file, so I would have people to vent and ask advice from when I did initiate the process. My mom and a friend were there for me in the weeks leading up to making the decision to push the button. I also realized everyone is not going to be a long-term supporter. My friend has moved on, and my mom is the primary person I vent to in recent weeks.
Divorce is emotionally draining and requires support including legal help. Your team could include:
- Emotional support: A therapist, counselor, or trusted friend can help you navigate the emotional toll of divorce.
- Legal guidance: An experienced divorce attorney can advise you on your rights, responsibilities, and legal options.
- Financial expertise: A financial planner or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can help you assess your financial future and plan for life after divorce.
I quickly realized financial matters are central to my divorce proceedings. I took the following steps to prepare myself for the financial wrangling I learned would be at the forefront moving forward:
- Compile financial documents: Gather statements for all bank, investment, and retirement accounts; property deeds; loan paperwork; insurance policies; and tax returns.
- Track income and expenses: Create a detailed list of your household’s income sources and spending habits.
- Separate your finances: Open new bank and credit card accounts in your name only to establish your individual credit and prevent your spouse from incurring new debts on joint accounts.
- Create a post-divorce budget: Develop a realistic budget to understand your new cost of living on a single income.
Inventory your assets
Document all property owned both individually and jointly. This includes:
- Real estate (homes, vacation properties, land)
- Vehicles, boats, and other registered property
- High-value personal items like jewelry, antiques, or collectibles
- Business ownership interests
Organize other important documents
Keep all crucial records in a secure location, including:
- Personal records: Your marriage license, social security cards, and birth certificates.
- Estate planning documents: Existing wills, trusts, and powers of attorney, which you will need to update after the divorce is finalized.
The legal process
There are different flavors of divorce. Broadly they fall into two categories: uncontested and contested. Uncontested divorce is based on the two parties agreeing on major issues like parenting and asset division. Disagreements about these and other areas result in a divorce being contested.
- Uncontested divorce: An option if you and your spouse agree on all major issues, which can save time and money.
- Mediation: A neutral, third-party mediator helps both parties reach an agreement. This is a common method for resolving disagreements outside of a trial.
- Collaborative divorce: You and your spouse each hire attorneys who commit to resolving issues without going to court.
- Contested divorce/Litigation: A traditional court process where a judge decides on issues the couple cannot agree on.
Evaluate your situation to decide on the best path forward:
File the petition
A divorce legally begins when one spouse, the petitioner, files a divorce petition with the court. This document states the grounds for divorce, such as “no-fault” incompatibility, and outlines requests regarding property division, custody, and support.
Serve your spouse
The non-filing spouse, or respondent, must be formally served with the divorce petition. You cannot personally serve the papers yourself; this must be done by a professional process server or other authorized party.
Address immediate issues
During a potentially lengthy divorce process, a spouse may request temporary court orders to settle immediate issues like:
- Temporary child custody and support
- Temporary spousal support
- Temporary control of marital property
- Restraining orders to protect assets or individuals
Negotiate a settlement
Most divorces settle without a full trial. This negotiation phase involves exchanging information, known as “discovery,” to reach a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA). The MSA is a detailed, legally binding contract covering:
- Financial settlements: The division of assets and debts, specifying how accounts will be split and who is responsible for which liabilities.
- Parenting plans: A comprehensive plan detailing legal and physical custody, visitation schedules, and child support arrangements.
- Spousal support: The terms of any alimony payments, including the amount, duration, and conditions for termination.
Finalize the divorce
Once a settlement is reached, the MSA is submitted to the court for approval. When a judge signs the agreement, it becomes a final divorce decree, officially dissolving the marriage.
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